I just got done taking a shower. I usually don't take showers at night, but I felt really disgusting and decided to take one so that I could just relax.
I feel like I just literally washed all of the stress away from my life with this shower, which may sound really weird, but that is how I feel. Sometimes I wish that erasing your life and starting new would be as easy as hopping into the shower, but it is.
In so many ways I am not happy with my life anymore. I don't get good grades anymore, my parents don't trust me, I am broke, I have no social life, I put no effort into how I look, and I really do nothing. I tend to alienate myself from other people, which makes me even less happy. I don't feel like I have anything going for myself, and I abandoned who I was.
I think this is because I don't know who I am. I have no direction, and I am afraid that I am completely utterly lost.
There I things that I want to do, and a person that I really want to be, but I cannot seem to motivate myself to take the steps necessary to do what I want to do and be what I want to be. Part of it is complete laziness (which I am ashamed of), as well as a total lack of confidence that I once used to have. I am also scared too, which doesn't help matters.
I think I need to wake up tomorrow having taken a "life shower." I need to set my priorities and make small obtainable goals for myself to become a better me, and get out of this personal hell that I have created for myself. I am afraid that if I don't try to get out soon that, I will never get out.
Tomorrow I'll take a shower and be so fresh, so clean.
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