I just got done taking a shower. I usually don't take showers at night, but I felt really disgusting and decided to take one so that I could just relax.
I feel like I just literally washed all of the stress away from my life with this shower, which may sound really weird, but that is how I feel. Sometimes I wish that erasing your life and starting new would be as easy as hopping into the shower, but it is.
In so many ways I am not happy with my life anymore. I don't get good grades anymore, my parents don't trust me, I am broke, I have no social life, I put no effort into how I look, and I really do nothing. I tend to alienate myself from other people, which makes me even less happy. I don't feel like I have anything going for myself, and I abandoned who I was.
I think this is because I don't know who I am. I have no direction, and I am afraid that I am completely utterly lost.
There I things that I want to do, and a person that I really want to be, but I cannot seem to motivate myself to take the steps necessary to do what I want to do and be what I want to be. Part of it is complete laziness (which I am ashamed of), as well as a total lack of confidence that I once used to have. I am also scared too, which doesn't help matters.
I think I need to wake up tomorrow having taken a "life shower." I need to set my priorities and make small obtainable goals for myself to become a better me, and get out of this personal hell that I have created for myself. I am afraid that if I don't try to get out soon that, I will never get out.
Tomorrow I'll take a shower and be so fresh, so clean.
Thursday, March 20, 2008
Tuesday, March 18, 2008
touchmytush tuesday.
Hello world (or shall I say my very few blog readers)!
Have you ever had a day in which nothing at all felt right? Like your hair doesn't lay right, and your tangled up in your bra, and you feel like you have something stuck in your shoe. Isn't anything too out of the ordinary, but it just feels weird. That is the kind of day I am having today. Yeah, I know, it is really exciting on your part. Just kidding. I know it is very irrelevant to you, but I just felt like putting it out there.
Anyway, I read in the newspaper that Sen. Barack Obama is going to be visiting good ole' YoCo on Thursday evening. He is going to have a rally at Penn State York. I am kind of really excited.
I am pretty much torn on Obama and Hillary. I mean, I like Obama and his stance on a lot of issues, but Hillary has a similar stance on a lot of issues, plus I am like "Woot! Woman Power!" I dunno. I mean I used to despise Hillary... I thought she seemed too arrogant, and for a lack of a better word, "bitchy," but I think at this point she has more substance behind what she says, and she tells the truth rather than words that people like to hear *(coughObamacough).
I am going to take the rest of this post to lay out the differences between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Here it goes (from CNN.com):
Have you ever had a day in which nothing at all felt right? Like your hair doesn't lay right, and your tangled up in your bra, and you feel like you have something stuck in your shoe. Isn't anything too out of the ordinary, but it just feels weird. That is the kind of day I am having today. Yeah, I know, it is really exciting on your part. Just kidding. I know it is very irrelevant to you, but I just felt like putting it out there.
Anyway, I read in the newspaper that Sen. Barack Obama is going to be visiting good ole' YoCo on Thursday evening. He is going to have a rally at Penn State York. I am kind of really excited.
I am pretty much torn on Obama and Hillary. I mean, I like Obama and his stance on a lot of issues, but Hillary has a similar stance on a lot of issues, plus I am like "Woot! Woman Power!" I dunno. I mean I used to despise Hillary... I thought she seemed too arrogant, and for a lack of a better word, "bitchy," but I think at this point she has more substance behind what she says, and she tells the truth rather than words that people like to hear *(coughObamacough).
I am going to take the rest of this post to lay out the differences between Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Here it goes (from CNN.com):
Abortion
Obama - Opposes any constitutional amendment to overturn the Supreme Court's decision in Roe v Wade. Disagreed with Supreme Court ruling to uphold the "Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act." Did not cast a vote on Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007.
Clinton - Will sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act, which would codify Roe v. Wade into federal law. Would overturn the "global gag rule," which prohibits Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) from talking about abortion in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Voted against the Prohibit Partial Birth Abortion bill in 2003. Did not cast a vote on Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007. Disagreed with Supreme Court ruling to uphold the "Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act."
Clinton - Will sign into law the Freedom of Choice Act, which would codify Roe v. Wade into federal law. Would overturn the "global gag rule," which prohibits Non-Governmental Organizations (NGOs) from talking about abortion in the event of an unplanned pregnancy. Voted against the Prohibit Partial Birth Abortion bill in 2003. Did not cast a vote on Prohibiting Funds for Groups that Perform Abortions amendment in 2007. Disagreed with Supreme Court ruling to uphold the "Partial Birth Abortion Ban Act."
Education
Obama - Would reform No Child Left Behind, ensuring access to high-quality early childhood education programs and child care opportunities, recruit well-qualified and reward expert, accomplished teachers. Make science and math education a national priority. Reduce the high school dropout rate and empower parents to raise healthy and successful children by taking a greater role in their child's education at home and at school.
Clinton - Would end No Child Left Behind. Promote early childhood education, including nurse home visitation programs for new parents, quality child care and Head Start and pre-kindergarten for all 4-year-olds. Improve K-12 system by meeting funding promises of IDEA. Recruit outstanding teachers and principals, especially in urban and rural areas. Cut minority dropout rate in half. Expand early-intervention mentoring programs. Identify at-risk youth early and provide $1 billion in intensive interventions. Create a new $3,500 college tax credit and increase the maximum Pell Grant.
Clinton - Would end No Child Left Behind. Promote early childhood education, including nurse home visitation programs for new parents, quality child care and Head Start and pre-kindergarten for all 4-year-olds. Improve K-12 system by meeting funding promises of IDEA. Recruit outstanding teachers and principals, especially in urban and rural areas. Cut minority dropout rate in half. Expand early-intervention mentoring programs. Identify at-risk youth early and provide $1 billion in intensive interventions. Create a new $3,500 college tax credit and increase the maximum Pell Grant.
Environment
Obama - Would implement an economy-wide cap-and-trade program to reduce greenhouse gas emissions to the level recommended by top scientists. Would make the United States a leader in the global effort to combat climate change by leading anew international global warming partnership. Would establish a National Low Carbon Fuel Standard (LCFS) to speed the introduction of low-carbon non-petroleum fuels. Would create a Technology Transfer program within the Department of Energy dedicated to exporting climate-friendly technologies to developing countries. Would offer incentives to maintain forests globally and manage them sustainably. Would develop domestic incentives that reward forest owners, farmers and ranchers when they plant trees, restore grasslands or undertake farming practices that capture carbon dioxide from the atmosphere.
Clinton - Would develop a new treaty to replace the Kyoto Protocol, which is set to expire in 2012. Would focus on international attention to solve the problem of global deforestation. Would focus the mission of the Department of Energy on moving toward energy independence with a new approach to solar, wind, biofuels, hydropower, geothermal and other sources of renewable energy. Would place a market-based cap and trade system to reduce carbon pollution. …In combination with efficiency, fuel economy standards and other proposals, she states the system will ensure the goal of reducing U.S. contribution to global warming below 1990 levels by 80 percent. Would oppose drilling in the Arctic National Wildfire Refuge.
Clinton - Would develop a new treaty to replace the Kyoto Protocol, which is set to expire in 2012. Would focus on international attention to solve the problem of global deforestation. Would focus the mission of the Department of Energy on moving toward energy independence with a new approach to solar, wind, biofuels, hydropower, geothermal and other sources of renewable energy. Would place a market-based cap and trade system to reduce carbon pollution. …In combination with efficiency, fuel economy standards and other proposals, she states the system will ensure the goal of reducing U.S. contribution to global warming below 1990 levels by 80 percent. Would oppose drilling in the Arctic National Wildfire Refuge.
Immigration
Obama - Supported Bush-backed immigration reform legislation, which would have increased funding and improved border security technology, improved enforcement of existing laws, and provided a legal path to citizenship for some illegal immigrants. Voted to authorize construction of a 700-mile fence along the U.S.-Mexican border.
Clinton - Supported Bush-backed immigration reform legislation, which would have increased funding and improved border security technology, improved enforcement of existing laws, and provided a legal path to citizenship for some illegal immigrants. Voted to authorize construction of a 700-mile fence along the U.S.-Mexican border.
Clinton - Supported Bush-backed immigration reform legislation, which would have increased funding and improved border security technology, improved enforcement of existing laws, and provided a legal path to citizenship for some illegal immigrants. Voted to authorize construction of a 700-mile fence along the U.S.-Mexican border.
Iraq
Obama - Opposed use of military force in Iraq. Voted for war spending bill that would have withdrawn most U.S. troops by March 2008. Supports phased redeployment of U.S. troops. Opposed Bush's plan to send additional troops to Iraq. Had once called for troop withdrawal to begin by the end of 2006.
Clinton - Voted for use of military force in Iraq, but now says she would have voted differently "if we knew then what we know now." Supports de-authorizing the war. Voted for war spending bill that would have withdrawn most U.S. troops by March 2008. Opposed Bush plan to increase the number of American troops in Iraq. Supports a phased redeployment.
Clinton - Voted for use of military force in Iraq, but now says she would have voted differently "if we knew then what we know now." Supports de-authorizing the war. Voted for war spending bill that would have withdrawn most U.S. troops by March 2008. Opposed Bush plan to increase the number of American troops in Iraq. Supports a phased redeployment.
Same-sex Marriage
Obama - Opposes same-sex marriage, but also opposes a constitutional ban. Supports civil unions.
Clinton - Opposes same-sex marriage but supports civil unions. Says states should ultimately decide the issue. Opposes a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.
Those are basically the main issues of each of their campaigns. As a sit and ponder these results I ask, what is your opinion? How do you feel about both Obama and Hillary.
Until tomorrow,
-jill
Clinton - Opposes same-sex marriage but supports civil unions. Says states should ultimately decide the issue. Opposes a constitutional amendment banning same-sex marriage.
Those are basically the main issues of each of their campaigns. As a sit and ponder these results I ask, what is your opinion? How do you feel about both Obama and Hillary.
Until tomorrow,
-jill
Friday, March 14, 2008
Ah la, ooh la la...
Wow. It is March. It isn't even the beginning of March, it is mid-March. I kind of feel bad that I started this blog and that I haven't been updating like I should be.
One post for February is pretty pathetic, and only this one for March is sad too. I don't even have an excuse for not writing. I mean, it isn't like I currently have a life. I have been doing nothing after school.
Anyway, as I was saying, life has been really boring since the musical has been over. I have really nothing to do.
Because of being bored and my need for cash because I am really broke I applied and had an interview for a job last week at Memorial Hospital in the Dietary department. The lady basically told me that I had the job, and now I am waiting to hear back from Human Resources with all of the good info (wage, etc). The good thing about this job is that I will be working 3:30-6:30 at night, and it will be super easy (I mean how hard is it to put Jello on trays?)
Besides the whole job thing, nothing really interesting has happened. School is boring as always. I only have three more months to go and I will be free, and then all I will be able to think about is Temple. Go Owls!
So, yesterday and today in our local newspaper there was this article about this woman in Kentucky that had a phobia of leaving bathrooms and stayed on the toilet seat for 2 years. And after taking care of her on the toilet seat for that long, her boyfriend finally called the cops about it. She sat on the seat so long that her skin grew over the seat and they had to surgically remove the seat. My thing is, how long can you actually sit on a toilet. I mean, she probably hasn't been able to feel her butt for a long, long time. It goes to show you how crazy some people are.
So, I am leaving you with a video from my favorite artist ever with a song that is currently my favorite:
<3jill
One post for February is pretty pathetic, and only this one for March is sad too. I don't even have an excuse for not writing. I mean, it isn't like I currently have a life. I have been doing nothing after school.
Anyway, as I was saying, life has been really boring since the musical has been over. I have really nothing to do.
Because of being bored and my need for cash because I am really broke I applied and had an interview for a job last week at Memorial Hospital in the Dietary department. The lady basically told me that I had the job, and now I am waiting to hear back from Human Resources with all of the good info (wage, etc). The good thing about this job is that I will be working 3:30-6:30 at night, and it will be super easy (I mean how hard is it to put Jello on trays?)
Besides the whole job thing, nothing really interesting has happened. School is boring as always. I only have three more months to go and I will be free, and then all I will be able to think about is Temple. Go Owls!
So, yesterday and today in our local newspaper there was this article about this woman in Kentucky that had a phobia of leaving bathrooms and stayed on the toilet seat for 2 years. And after taking care of her on the toilet seat for that long, her boyfriend finally called the cops about it. She sat on the seat so long that her skin grew over the seat and they had to surgically remove the seat. My thing is, how long can you actually sit on a toilet. I mean, she probably hasn't been able to feel her butt for a long, long time. It goes to show you how crazy some people are.
So, I am leaving you with a video from my favorite artist ever with a song that is currently my favorite:
<3jill
Tuesday, February 12, 2008
My Life As I Know It...
My blog is in desperate need of an update, so here it is.
Have you ever been confused? Have you ever feared what is yet to come?
I honestly can say "yes" to the two questions above. I honestly don't know who I am. I am confused, and I am scared shitless of my life ahead of me.
It really sucks that I have had my whole life mapped out for myself since I was younger, I had this "plan," and now I don't really think it is all going to pan out the way I dreamed, and it is extremely disheartening.
I have realized that being a certain way will definitely change my future, and it scares me. Me, an outcast? I never saw that coming.
You are probably confused about what I am talking about... and to be honest with you, I am confused too.
I think I might figure it out soon, and you will be the first to know.
<3jill
Have you ever been confused? Have you ever feared what is yet to come?
I honestly can say "yes" to the two questions above. I honestly don't know who I am. I am confused, and I am scared shitless of my life ahead of me.
It really sucks that I have had my whole life mapped out for myself since I was younger, I had this "plan," and now I don't really think it is all going to pan out the way I dreamed, and it is extremely disheartening.
I have realized that being a certain way will definitely change my future, and it scares me. Me, an outcast? I never saw that coming.
You are probably confused about what I am talking about... and to be honest with you, I am confused too.
I think I might figure it out soon, and you will be the first to know.
<3jill
Thursday, January 24, 2008
sorry for the lack of postage...
Hey everyone!
I am sorry that I haven't blogged in awhile. This week has been one roller coaster, and it isn't going to stop for awhile...
I have spent numerous hours at the school doing nothing at musical rehearsal. I feel like this year I am being very alienated from the cast (well, not the guys, but the girls), because I have no scenes with them. I am super bored with my part and stuff. Yay, South Pacific! (barf!)
Uh, a notable mention is that on Tuesday I went to "Rain: The Beatles Experience" with Brandon and his parents. It was an awesome night of the Beatles, except for the sad news we found out when we went to Red Robin for dinner. Heath Ledger died. It was sad. It was all over the tv. It kind of made our fun evening depressing. At Red Robin, Brandon won a stuffed chicken in a game machine, and we named it Paul Heath Lennon, but we call him Heath, in memory of Heath Ledger.
Hmm.... tomorrow might be glow bowling or something.
Next week we have finals! Soon I will be done with the hell I know as AP English. Thank goodness.
Erm... yeah. I am gonna go. I am tired.
-jill.
I am sorry that I haven't blogged in awhile. This week has been one roller coaster, and it isn't going to stop for awhile...
I have spent numerous hours at the school doing nothing at musical rehearsal. I feel like this year I am being very alienated from the cast (well, not the guys, but the girls), because I have no scenes with them. I am super bored with my part and stuff. Yay, South Pacific! (barf!)
Uh, a notable mention is that on Tuesday I went to "Rain: The Beatles Experience" with Brandon and his parents. It was an awesome night of the Beatles, except for the sad news we found out when we went to Red Robin for dinner. Heath Ledger died. It was sad. It was all over the tv. It kind of made our fun evening depressing. At Red Robin, Brandon won a stuffed chicken in a game machine, and we named it Paul Heath Lennon, but we call him Heath, in memory of Heath Ledger.
Hmm.... tomorrow might be glow bowling or something.
Next week we have finals! Soon I will be done with the hell I know as AP English. Thank goodness.
Erm... yeah. I am gonna go. I am tired.
-jill.
Friday, January 18, 2008
stir-fryday night.
We ended up not having a two hour delay today, which sucked mucho. However, I did get out of the pep rally, and so did my good friend Nikki.
We both got out at 12:45 and we went to my house and chilled and watched the 100 best celebrity bodies on E!. Then at 3 she had to go back to the school for musical rehearsal. I didn't have to go back though, because my character is quite special, and I am not in the ensemble numbers.
So yeah, basically I spent this whole entire evening doing nothing except surf the web and play the guitar.
I did make myself some awesome chicken stir-fry for dinner, and I have a whole bunch left over so that I can eat it for lunch tomorrow. Yum!
I am kind of tired. Under normal circumstances I would probably want to discuss another topic in a blog, but I am too entirely pooped to do so.
So I guess this is g'night.
-jill.
We both got out at 12:45 and we went to my house and chilled and watched the 100 best celebrity bodies on E!. Then at 3 she had to go back to the school for musical rehearsal. I didn't have to go back though, because my character is quite special, and I am not in the ensemble numbers.
So yeah, basically I spent this whole entire evening doing nothing except surf the web and play the guitar.
I did make myself some awesome chicken stir-fry for dinner, and I have a whole bunch left over so that I can eat it for lunch tomorrow. Yum!
I am kind of tired. Under normal circumstances I would probably want to discuss another topic in a blog, but I am too entirely pooped to do so.
So I guess this is g'night.
-jill.
Thursday, January 17, 2008
a snowy day in york, pa
Why hello, and welcome to my first ever blog. I see this as a kind of momentous occasion, but you may see it as just an ordinary day. Either way, I have decided to blog so that I can vent about day to day life, talk about important (and a lot of very non-important) issues, and just let whatever I am thinking get heard, or shall I say read.
I guess that I should probably introduce myself. My name is Jill. I am 17 and I am a senior in high school. I enjoy candle lit dinners, cuddling, and long walks on the beach... no really, I am into music, I play the guitar, I love musical theatre, and in the fall I will be a freshman at Temple University in the ghetto of Philly. That is enough about me. You will sure learn a lot more with posts to come, so yeah.
Anyway, now to business. That sounds so authoritative and harsh. I like it. Back to the point. It is snowing right now. At school everyone waited all day, and every time I looked out the window I saw nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. There was no snow to be seen. Well, then I went to fifth period (AP English... I hate it....), and of course my teacher had the blinds down, so we couldn't see out of the window. After AP English, it was the end of the day, and I walked to the door near where my car is parked, and I looked out, and all I saw was snow. It was everywhere. My eyes seriously lit up with joy. I secretly prayed in my head that we wouldn't have school tomorrow to make it a four day weekend (and I am not even really religious).
After a long drive home (I drove super slow so I wouldn't get in an accident), I came inside and almost directly got on my laptop. I chatted with some of my peeps, checked my myspace, and now I am here, posting my first blog.
It would majorly suck if we had school tomorrow. The reason why can be spelled out with two words: PEP RALLY. If there is one thing I hate more than our school sports, it is the seasonal pep rallies that go along with them. I don't know why, but some people in my school actually enjoy cramming about 1,500 people in a not very large gym and screaming for about 2 and a half hours, while at the same time getting a massive case of bleacher butt. I for one do not enjoy this at all. I am proclaiming here that I will not go to the pep rally tomorrow. I'll have my mom give me an early dismissal so that I can just some home and chill for a couple hours before I would have to go back to the prison (school) and go to musical rehearsal.
Well, I guess I am going to just leave this blog at this. I am hungry, so I might go and chow down on some food. However I will leave you with this video that you may have already seen on youtube, but I still think is rad. It is the beat-boxing flute player Greg Patillo. He's sick.
-jill.
I guess that I should probably introduce myself. My name is Jill. I am 17 and I am a senior in high school. I enjoy candle lit dinners, cuddling, and long walks on the beach... no really, I am into music, I play the guitar, I love musical theatre, and in the fall I will be a freshman at Temple University in the ghetto of Philly. That is enough about me. You will sure learn a lot more with posts to come, so yeah.
Anyway, now to business. That sounds so authoritative and harsh. I like it. Back to the point. It is snowing right now. At school everyone waited all day, and every time I looked out the window I saw nothing. Zip. Zero. Zilch. There was no snow to be seen. Well, then I went to fifth period (AP English... I hate it....), and of course my teacher had the blinds down, so we couldn't see out of the window. After AP English, it was the end of the day, and I walked to the door near where my car is parked, and I looked out, and all I saw was snow. It was everywhere. My eyes seriously lit up with joy. I secretly prayed in my head that we wouldn't have school tomorrow to make it a four day weekend (and I am not even really religious).
After a long drive home (I drove super slow so I wouldn't get in an accident), I came inside and almost directly got on my laptop. I chatted with some of my peeps, checked my myspace, and now I am here, posting my first blog.
It would majorly suck if we had school tomorrow. The reason why can be spelled out with two words: PEP RALLY. If there is one thing I hate more than our school sports, it is the seasonal pep rallies that go along with them. I don't know why, but some people in my school actually enjoy cramming about 1,500 people in a not very large gym and screaming for about 2 and a half hours, while at the same time getting a massive case of bleacher butt. I for one do not enjoy this at all. I am proclaiming here that I will not go to the pep rally tomorrow. I'll have my mom give me an early dismissal so that I can just some home and chill for a couple hours before I would have to go back to the prison (school) and go to musical rehearsal.
Well, I guess I am going to just leave this blog at this. I am hungry, so I might go and chow down on some food. However I will leave you with this video that you may have already seen on youtube, but I still think is rad. It is the beat-boxing flute player Greg Patillo. He's sick.
-jill.
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